Let us quickly recap the week and its intended planning, now that the final day looms over us. Without going into great detail, it is with pride and sincerity that I can present to you a story of success. The week was quick and full, two things usually related to one another, and therefore did not feel like much of a vacation at all.
In fact, more work was done than on any other average week but it was rewarding and fulfilling work that I shall not shy away from again. I do need to point out that not all my expectations were fully met but that isn’t always a bad thing. The reality of the matter came to me when I edited the final batch of images during the day on my iPhone.1 Despite a lack of freedom on some occasions, the results are still to be proud of and perhaps even to be shared on my personal channels. Whenever the time it right to do such a thing, that is.
Concurrently, the moments in between were seized as much as possible to find peace and relaxation. I can not claim to have found enough of those to say I have recharged sufficiently but perhaps that’s a sign I should strive for those things indefinitely. Regrettably, there will be more time to attain that, as De Ontluiking will be put on hold until further notice. Things can not unfold as long as restrictions are still a reality and with that thought, we’ll have to park the project for now. It’s not an exaggeration when I state that this is the biggest disappointment of the week. Though, to end this missive on a lighter more positive note, if this is the absolute worst thing that happened this week then it must be said that I’m doing pretty good in that case.
A conclusion is found and talking to you I will be tomorrow. Thank you for reading, warm greetings.
On Lightroom Mobile, synchronizing everything from my computer. ↩︎
Went for my first COVID test today because I want to photograph an event tonight and tomorrow. Then the government decides to shut down all events again. Now I have a negative COVID test and nowhere to go.
Sigh… fill the chalices.
Back in the old days things were much simpler. Uncomplicated at all times. Well, most of the times at least. I shot photos whenever I wanted and of whatever I wanted. That didn’t bring me anywhere at that time but it did bring me to where I am now. Oh and when I say “back in the old days”, I’m referring to five years ago. Maybe six.
These days I’m riding around full days on a bike I built myself shooting photos for a company that’s specifically interested in the type of work I do. My style. That’s amazing. I will never not bet on myself ever again. But, let’s be honest, as long as I’m still taking commissions like these I’m not investing all my time in personal projects. I’m currently not sure what one makes more sense.
It’s a comforting thought I’ll be back to work on The Efflorescence (De Ontluiking). A project that holds great value for society1 and at this time has a special place reserved in my heart. Which reminds me, that thing coming in the mail today? That was the Fujifilm X-Pro3. I shuffled some things around (mostly mentally) and I could justify the cost. I also can now afford it anyway so why not treat myself like the pro2 that I believe I am.
I came home a tired man. Ready to put down my camera for a while. But now, a mere four hours later, I’m ready to go back out again.
Another try tomorrow! Utrecht as my playground and my hopes back up again. Shuffling through my work from Tuesday, I must say I’ve done the best I could’ve. Especially considering the circumstances. Well, that takes away my last doubts and raises my confidence for tomorrow.
Also, Utrecht is a city I’m more comfortable in. A place I know. The same couldn’t be said about Hilversum and I have a faint feeling that won’t change anytime soon as well. Utrecht has more to offer and just has better vibrations. In my opinion at least. So let’s load the bike back onto the train and finish this job.1
Oeh! There’s also a thing coming in the mail tomorrow. Something I’ve had my eyes on for, what is it, years now?
Well… now that I think about it, tomorrow is going to be a pretty exciting day!
- Please imagine the exclamation mark for added dramatical effect. ↩︎
A few words I wrote on the way back home. These are not to be taken seriously. They are a dramatical reflection of my initial thoughts. Which still sounds pretty serious. Ah well, here it goes:
a little disappointed
It will not matter
Eventually it will be fine
But for now, a little sad.
It’s my week off, starting today, but I also need to finish up a job as well. That’s not ideal because one of my pitfalls is that I can’t relaxt when there’s things to be done still. Therefore this schedule needs to be written otherwise I can’t properly enjoy my time off. Here it goes.
- Keep the day free from things that must be done.
- Maybe deliver some photos to clients.
- Enjoy not having to do anything for a second.
- Dinner with the folks.
- Go to Hilversum for a full day of photography work.
- 3-year anniversary dinner(!).
- Filter through some photos from Tuesday and do a first edit.
- Enjoy time off!!
- Go to Utrecht for a full day of photography work.
- Filter through some photos from Thursday and do a first edit.
- Work on more edits from Hilversum until near completion.
- Photograph for ‘De Ontluiking’ all evening
- Finish all photo edits and prepare the full set for delivery on Monday.
- Take it easy. It’s still a vacation.
Wonderful, blissful silence.
Crisp, fresh air flowing around me.
Raindrops tapping steadily on the window.￼
Thunder rumbling through the sky.
Do you have any idea how many people I see being out there? Finally out there. The sight of it is amazing. We’ve all been in this together.
Now we’re spreading again.
Our wings and our congregations. We seek our paths and find out ways. Separately again. Though still, forever, connected. By this one humongous thing. This, dare I say it, pandemic.
We are, definitely, efflorescing.1
- This isn’t even a word but for this one blog post, it is. ↩︎
The efflorescence. It’s upon us. Bound to happen. Will it be now? Is this really the moment we’ve all been longing for?
Or will this all be one big mirage, again?
Let’s not think of that right now. Now is the time to move forward, with a mindset that’s that too. Forward.
Vaccinated and liberated. My heart is hopeful. Now I’m sitting out my mandatory 15 minute waiting time, writing this story. Alternated by just staring into the distance. Dreaming about the possibilities. It won’t be long before life wil unfold itself. I know it’s not a certainty, but I remain positive. Though not for COVID. Not me.
So many things. Emails keep stacking up. Reading that still needs to be done. Or rather, wants to be done. Nothing ever must be done, there’s always a choice. The option to not do things is always there.
Still, there are so many things that can be done. It’s a little hard to not feel an obligation to do them all. Not because I must, but more so because I want to. So many things.
Do they make sense? These things? Do they strengthen each other? Are they supporting a greater cause? Or do I scatter myself too much? I can’t tell. Not right now. Does that matter?
I’m having fun with it. I’m being cautious with it. I’m making informed decisions. I should be fine. Still, if there is indeed a greater cause, what then is the plan? I do not know. I’m sure things will unfold, eventually. They will present themselves as one. As long as I just keep doing things.
So many things.
Today is about compartmentalization. And how bad and good I am at it at the same time. You see, I generally try to keep my evenings as uneventful as possible. I need to do this to guarantee my quality of sleep. Otherwise I just can’t turn down the energy before it’s time to rest. My head keeps going with thoughts and digesting my day. In case this isn’t clear, this is an example of bad compartmentalization. I can’t always keep these different mental processes separated.
On the other hand, it’s not always possible to bother myself with everything at the same time. There are moments where you need to park some things and revisit them later. As an example, I had a full day of work today that demands my full attention. I can’t busy myself with other projects and tasks at the same time. That usually turns out pretty good.
This doesn’t mean I can’t do different things at the same time. On the contrary, wait.
Just wait for one second…
…I really don’t want to continue writing this piece anymore. I’m not sure where I’m going and I don’t know what my point is. Honestly, I don’t even know if any of it is correct. I really wanted to talk about how I try to compartmentalize certain aspects of my life but as it stands, I really don’t know if I have a point to make.
Let’s just forget it for now. Maybe revisit at another time. You never know what can happen if this thought lingers a little longer in the back of my mind. Without interfering with other mental processes though.
You have to compartmentalize.
June 7, 2020
“I am just trying to show some range. Sure, I can shoot your editorials or studio shots. Maybe, just maybe, I want to retire all that and just do some street work for a while.
Currently I am working on a project that’s a little different as well as an elevation of my past work. At least I hope it is. Looking at these shots from Curaçao a few months after taking them, and I appreciate them even more. Not for their technical quality or their wow-factor but rather for what they represent. A story, a journey, a fresh start.”
This is why I write stuff down. This is why I take photos. I would’ve never remembered where my head was at a year ago if it wasn’t for this caption. That would’ve been a waste as it allows you to look back and appreciate the bigger picture. The general trend in which you are progressing.
A year ago, I was merely hoping to lay down the work I was no longer enjoying. I was searching for a new way to fill in my passion for photography. I was looking for a way to express myself and a way to position myself in this world.
Now, a year later, I can say that I have made the right decision back then. I’m happier with my work and I’m proud of the things I’m making now. I couldn’t say that for the bulk of my output when I wrote those words June 2020. Seeing your own progress like that is amazing. Please don’t take the present for granted folks. It’s the past of the future and there are lessons to be learned if you care to look for them.
Despite my website being generally done for the most part, there are always little bits and pieces that can be improved and expanded. Most of the ideas for these things I’m stealing from other people but I don’t think there’s no harm in that.
I came across this idea by Brian Lovin, who keeps a personal changelog. It’s a timeline of his biggest accomplishments and other things of significance he’s done and I really liked that idea. It’s a little more expansive than the one sentence elevator pitch you tell new people but not as difficult to digest as a blogpost. Or even a project page, because even those require quite a bit of cognitive processing power to understand. A changelog is a good way to share your timeline of significant things, placing everything into perspective and providing context around yourself.
If you combine that personal changelog with a proper ‘about me’, you can give interested people a fairly quick, though thorough, overview of who you are and what you do. Not coincidentally, that’s the second thing I’m working on.
These things take time to do properly though so I don’t have anywhere to point you just yet. Writing a bio about myself has always been difficult but I’m committed to doing it properly now. Sure it might seem trivial but having a proper website is far from trivial so I will approach it with great care and attention. And with those pretentious words, I’m out for today.
Ha, can you believe it?
I totally forgot to write a story yesterday. Well, not so much forgot to write one, but I sure didn’t come through before midnight. I guess the magic of internet scheduling saved me on that one. I mean, I technically,totally, remembered it during the day but I guess there’s no way to prove it. Do I need to prove anything though? I don’t think so. These stories are for my personal development and the commitment still stands. If you ask me,
I haven’t broken the streak just yet (not yet my folks! Let’s see what happens!.
Eitherway, I’m back today and I’m on time as I’m supposed to.
Oh man, I can’t believe it. I forgot to write something today (yesterday?). I’m not sure how to approach this now. I’m still awake so I will let this one count as well. I apologize to my past self for not sticking to my promise for the full 100%. Though, to be completely honest, I think this qualifies perfectly fine as well.
I don’t have anything significant to share so I guess there’s no real loss here. You know what. I will manually set the upload time of this story to 23:59. I’m sure nobody will notice.
Until tomorrow (today?).
I’ve been really putting myself through the motions lately.1 I promised myself I would get a day off today. A day for myself to sit and digest the latest of occurrences. Especially after the full day I had yesterday. It was a wonderful prospect to have.
Despite that, this morning I found myself packing my cameras again. So here I go again; riding the winds of change after work. Hunting for the shot that gives me that feeling. That fulfilling feeling of accomplishment when I can say “yes, I most definitely still got it”. I think I succeeded.
Now I’m resting my weary body on the sofa while listening to the new Azekel single. Something I only bumped into when I opened my Twitter app for a quick scroll.2 I remember meeting Azekel for a quick minute when he was selling CDs (remember those?) after his show in Paradiso. He was the supporting act for BANKS at the time and I was blown away by his music. It was so good. I also told him and the band that, no worries. He only had his first EP out then and I bought a copy on the spot. I must still have it somewhere. The strange thing is, I never really listened to his music after that. I gave him a follow on Twitter and that’s it. I just never… bothered? Sorry ‘Zeke (I can call him ‘Zeke) I know it’s strange of me.
Until this afternoon when I clicked on the video in his tweet. Those few seconds pulled me right back in. Now I’m listening to his discography in reverse chronological order and form a proper opinion on it. So far it sounds like this deserves a place in my regular rotation. No surprises there, obviously, so now I feel kinda sad I didn’t listen to this all the time since 2015. Ah well, better late than never. As is the case with so many things.
Peep this, I managed to plan all my appointments this week into one single day. This day. That’s a good thing, in case that isn’t clear! It takes some effort for an introvert to go out and be sociable1 and grouping that effort together is a perfect way to deal with that. An added benefit is that I can allow myself to do nothing else besides these meetings. Another benefit is that I can work distraction free for the rest of the week.
Everything is perfect.
What I also like to mention is that all the projects I’m working on share so much synergy. I love it when things come together. I love it even more than how much I hate putting effort into throwaway projects.2 All the energy I’m spending serves a single purpose. Maybe even my purpose? I’m not sure if that’s a thing I can already claim but I can almost give words to it. The one sentence to describe my mission statement.
Maybe I should give that a go for 200 days of Monologues. A thing I could only dream of when I started this project January 1st. Who’d thought we’d be here now. Either way I’m happy I’m penning this all down so I can be sure I won’t forget it. I can sleep in peace now.
Internet: fixed. But let’s see how things are in a few days.
Leaking roof: contractors called, again. Things should be taken care of soon. Hopefully before the rain starts pouring down again. The walls can take so much water.
Aching back: working on it. I finally called the physician and they had room for me on Thursday. I don’t know why I always wait so long to do these things.
Other physical unfitness complaints: also work in progress. I got on my bike to ride to the water this afternoon and pushed myself a little harder than I usually do. I was back in a hour feeling invigorated.1
I’m ready for a busy day tomorrow. At least I’m not mad anymore.
- And lusting for a cold beer. ↩︎