I'm photographing to remember

Fellow wanderers,

I sat with my archive for a little while over Christmas. Which I do by opening up my online archive and simply... clicking around. Just looking for images I might've forgotten about. Moments that slipped my mind until just now. It was about time that I did because I haven't sat down and looked back at my work for a couple of months now. A real shame, as I believe the value of photography is not just in taking the images but in taking the time to look at them as well. You capture a moment to remember it but remembering comes from revisiting. The true magic of photography is teleportation to the past.

There are a couple of images that stand out immediately. Just like they did during the first edit. Cool, but not what interests me right now. I'm looking for the B-sides that are usually cut from the story. Photos that hardly tell a story, if at all, on their own. Images that don't really do it for you if you weren't there. I assume.

Well I was there, and they are doing it for me.

January

Thailand. The obvious subject that highlights this month. But also a difficult one to pinpoint. If you spend four full weeks in a country with the awareness dialed up to the max, what are the things that stand out to you most? Or maybe, what are the things you never would've thought about ever again in your life if you wouldn't have photographed it? Which is the more interesting thought experiment?

February

Thailand, again. Can it be? Why not, if it's significant. However, the energy is also different since this is when the tail-end of the trip took place. I have a problem with good things ending because they never fail to make me melancholic for things that haven't even stopped yet. I am no stranger to longing for moments passed when the moment hasn't even ended yet. You can see that sentiment represented in my first few images back in The Netherlands. Cold, colorless, escapist.

March

Lost between two worlds, neither one feels like home right now. Contemplating if I have to pick one or can come up with a third one. A way out. A cheat that nobody discovered yet. Can I do that, or do I just have unfounded delusions or grandeur? They say you are a fool until it turns out you're a genius. I lack the confidence to believe I'm a genius but I cannot be a fool. It would be the same as giving up. I can't ever give up. Not on myself.

April

The sun shows its face. My mood slightly brightens. The despair from last month dissolves into a new photo project. There's no real agenda, yet. No proper goal, really. Although a revisiting of my roots seems applicable. Just me, only me, my camera, the road, my legs. Seeing, things.

May

I'm feeling good about things to the point that I'm able to dedicate some time and attention to other people. Not make me the center of events for once and instead use my skills to elevate somebody else's craft. I wish this were the case more often, but I usually don't feel safe or secure enough to commit to outside factors like that. It backfired and put me in positions I'd rather have avoided one too many times before. But this time is different. A humble ask followed by honest work. That felt good, even though it turned out the be the last time again, for now.

June

"As long as life doesn't pass you by in a haze of events but rather as a string of celebrations, you've achieved success." That's how I ended last June's story and I still stand by that. June had many highs to celebrate and this peek in my archive has helped me remember what I need to be grateful for. The specifics don't matter that much right now; at least, they shouldn't for you as a reader. What matters is that it matters for me, even when focussing on these inconspicuous b-sides of images.

July

It's the middle of the summer now and life around me is moving at great speed. Everybody has the energy to go and do things. This is the time of year when I always feel like I might fall behind if I don't keep up, if you know what I mean. As if I could end up with fewer friends in a couple of months if I don't participate enough right now. I don't know; maybe that's just my mind playing tricks on me again. Hey, at least I made it to the local newspaper with my Things I Have Seen project already! That's something to be proud of, for sure.

August

I'm not entirely sure anymore, but I think it was around this time that I felt like my photography had grown a bit stale, even boring. It definitely plateaued around that time, even if it was just a little bit. Classifying myself as a documentary and street photographer because I was so desperately looking for a niche was starting to get the better of me. To combat this, I tried photographing weird things I normally wouldn't have looked at, just to see where that would take me.

September

It's been a good seven months by now. Our return from Thailand. Our last trip of the year so far. What a waste of travelable time that we spent on work and worry. Unbelievable how easily joy can slip from underneath you. So off we go, a night here, a couple of days there. Nothing special; just us and some books. I finished Craig Mod's Things Become Other Things. I photographed one page from the book. The page that resonated with me so much that I needed the visual reminder in this archive to revisit the book again, and again, and again.

October

I worry no more, for I fear it won't let me go. I just shrug it off. Everything. It's safer that way. Better for me, for you, for now. That might make me seem uninterested or careless, but my vice is that I care too much. So much that it keeps me up at night and down throughout the day. A constant buzzing feeling occupies my brain. It's energy that knows no home, no longer has a place in my world. That's not true; it does have a place, I just don't allow it to be in reach. I need to focus on what's in front of me and don't have the luxury to dream right now. It's tearing me apart.

November

Life has been living me. Not the other way around. I make my new years resolution on month early: create time and space for this things I find important first. Only allow other things to fill up the space that remains. It's the only way I can ensure the things that bring me joy will remain to be accessible, instead of pushed aside for 'more urgent matters'. As if there are things more urgent than Charlotte, our two cats, friends, family, and spending time with my freaking passions that I hold so close to my heart because it brings me all the purpose I so desperately crave.

December

"The more personal your work, the more general it becomes." Are you familiar with that saying? Or any similar phrasing, really, there's versions floating around, I'm sure. I asked ChatGPT about it, and it said the idea was coined by American phycologist Carl R. Rogers, who said, "What is most personal is most universal" but that Diane Arbus, "‌a renowned American photographer, often associated with the idea that the more personal or specific an artist's work, the more universal it becomes" has helped contribute to the popularity of the phrase too.

I believe that. Hence my oversharing here.

If it wasn't obvious by now, it's clear I'm working through one of those transitional phases you sometimes have in your life. I've had these before, many times, and they are usually the storm und drang required for something cool coming up real soon. Or at least I hope it's real soon, but I guess the only way to find out is by weathering the storm. It's good, and I'm not ashamed to ventilate and share like this. I'm just happy you are sticking it through with me. Let's see what happens next year, shall we?

Mitch